Here Without You
by dg19
Summary: Alex is forced to move to the East side after her family loses everything. Her parents are constantly fighting over her. She thinks her life is over until she meets the gang and finds love. What will she do when the one she loves is gone for good?
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so here's the deal. This story goes back and forth between the present and past, indicated by the dates at the beginning of each chapter. I hope it doesn't get too confusing. I don't know how good it is, but the idea hit me, so I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders, no matter how much I wish I did. I only own Alex and any other characters not associated with the version S.E. Hinton so gladly left for us to enjoy.

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_April 5, 1969_

"We are here today to honor Dallas Michael Winston. He was born eighteen years ago on August 23, 1950 in Brooklyn, New York."

Do you ever have times where you think you should've noticed something different, something wrong? Those times where you wish you could go back in time and change things? Those times where you know you shouldn't do something, but do it anyway? Those times where you feel split between two things, often the conservative, cautious you and the you that wants excitement and adventure?

I did. That's how it always was with him. If you wanted to be with him, you had to learn how to keep up. And you couldn't just walk up to him one day and expect to hang out with him just for the sake of hanging out. Being around him came with a price. He expected something from everyone. You didn't just get his respect or trust for free. You had to work up to it, you had to earn it. It took a lot of work to earn it, but, once you did, he had your back. He made sure you had everything you needed and he cared, whether he showed you or not.

"Dallas was a caring man, who loved his family and friends. He stuck up for all of them at one point or another. He did what was needed of him and the Lord forgives those who are loyal to him. Dallas didn't live long enough to see the world. He'd never been away from home. But even with his mistakes, he will follow in the path of our Father."

I can't stand this. I wish he'd just stop talking. This guy didn't know him. Everything he's saying about him is thousands of miles away from the truth. I bet these ministers just use the same speeches and prayers at every funeral they happen to be part of. They probably just change the name. Like, "oh, it's not Jack Taylor we're burying today. Let's take that out and put the dead guy's name in." That simple, right?

It's just so frustrating. They didn't know the real Dallas Winston. They didn't know that he had a sweet side. Hell, they didn't know he had any other side other than the one he showed them. Little did they know that that was the side he wanted them to see.

They didn't know that he liked his coffee black. Just like his heart, as he used to say. Of course, he was wrong, but you try arguing with him. He was as stubborn as a mule.

They didn't know that his weak spots were right behind his ears and between his shoulder blades. He used to melt whenever my lips touched those places. That was our little secret. And now it always would be.

They didn't know that he had a never-ending loyalty to his friends. He always had their backs and joked around with them. He took the blame for us when one of us got caught doing something by the cops. He'd already been to jail and we hadn't. He didn't want us ending up like him: cold and uncaring. But even in him, those were only true to a certain extent.

They didn't know that he was smart. Not just street smart, but school smart, too. He knew all kinds of things without even cracking open a book. He never ceased to amaze me with his extensive knowledge. Everyone thought that he wasn't all that great in the school department, but he just chose not to show it.

They didn't know that he hated going home. Not because he disliked his parents in anyway, but because whenever he went home, he got hurt. Not physically, but seeing how little his parents actually cared about him killed him. No one knew about that but me, and maybe Johnny.

"No one knows why Dallas was taken from this world except God. He must need him up there for some holy task. Our Father would not have taken him from those who love him were it not so."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. This guy needs to stop pretending like he knew Dallas. If there was a God, he wouldn't haven taken Dallas from me when I need him here on Earth. And another thing, if there really was a God, Dallas wasn't going to see him. Come on now, we all know how Dallas was. Would God really want someone like him in Heaven? Yeah, I don't think so either.

I look around at the people standing around the coffin. These are the people who cared about him. Tim Shepard and his crew are standing across from me looking somber. Two-Bit and Darry are on either side of me, tears streaming silently down their cheeks. Steve, Soda, and Pony are standing with us crying. I wish I could do that. Cry, I mean. My eyes are swollen and rimmed with unshed tears.

I think it's a phase I'm going through. Not being able to cry in front of people. Like phase one, I was angry. Pissed off is more like it. I was pretty much angry at the world. I was angry with the police for shooting him. I was angry with Dallas for leaving me. I was angry with Johnny for making Dallas think he was the only one who cared about him. I was angry with the gang for trying to pity me. I was angry with the Socs who caused all these problems. I was angry with my parents for not loving me for who I was instead of who they wanted me to be.

Pretty much anything or anyone I could be angry at, I was.

But as soon as I got home and locked myself in my room, I broke down. I cried for hours. I sobbed so hard and long that my throat hurt, my eyes were puffy and red, I felt like I was going to be sick and my pillow was soaked through with tears. I hadn't left my room until today and the gang sure was glad to see me.

And now, here I am, unable to let loose the tears. It's okay though. Dallas wouldn't have wanted me to cry. He hated when I cried. He said it was like a dark, stormy cloud on sunny, summer's day. He liked it much better when I smiled. He loved poking fun at my dimples.

"As we say our last goodbyes to Dallas, let our prayers go out to his family."

I have to keep myself from laughing and rolling my eyes. His parents aren't even here. That shows how much they care about him. Dal wouldn't have wanted them here anyway. They didn't care about him in life so why should they care about him in death?

The minister says his closing words and people begin to leave. You can tell the gang wants to head home, but they don't want to leave my side. I think they're afraid of what I might do if I'm left here alone with Dallas's coffin. What am I going to do, climb into it with him?

I look over at Darry and catch him wiping his eyes. He looks exhausted. I wonder if he's been up these past few days crying like me. They were awfully close after all. "Darrel, go home," I say to him.

"Yeah, and what about you?"

"I'll meet you at your house in a little while." He eyes me warily. The last time I said that was right after Dallas's body was taken away and I went for a walk to clear my head. I didn't return to the Curtis's afterwards. "I promise," I finally say.

Darry eyes me again, but then gives in. He pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head. He lets me go and starts to walk away. The rest of the gang follows, each patting my shoulder as they pass.

Once they're gone, I walk over to Dallas and place my hand on his coffin. My anger comes flooding back to me. _Dallas, you idiot! How could you got out and get yourself killed? You fucking son-of-a-bitch! You shouldn't have left like you did! You should've come home with Pony that night! We would've gotten through it together! We were all hurting that night! You should've some home to me! You shouldn't have thought Johnny was the only one that cared about you! You had me! I love you! I thought you loved me! Oh, Dal, I miss you so much. You should be here with me, not getting ready to be six feet under._

About half way through, my anger fades as quickly as it came and pain takes its place. My eyes finally overflow with tears.

"Alex." I wipe at my eyes before turning around.

"Hey Officer Reilly," I say.

"How you holding up?"

"As well as can be expected considering the circumstances."

"It'll get easier over time."

"I hope so."

So you may be wondering why I'm being nice to a cop. But the thing is, I've known Officer Jimmy Reilly for years. Ever since I met Dallas actually. I was at the station almost as much as Dallas was. Not because I'd been arrested, but because Dal had. Officer Reilly was always the one to bring him in and I'd sit and talk with him until they released Dallas. Besides, Officer Reilly hadn't shot Dallas. He'd been off-duty that night and had been home with his family.

"You comin' over the Curtis's for some food?" I ask.

He nods. "I just got to go home and check on Sarah and the kids. She didn't think it'd be a good idea to bring them here."

"Well, bring 'em to Darry's. He won't mind."

We stand there for a minute in a comfortable silence. "You should come by the house more. Sarah would love to have you. Plus, she'd be able to give you some advice with your situation."

My hand involuntarily places itself on my stomach, where a slight bump is protruding from beneath my sweater. "Oh, um…I'm not keeping it. I…I don't think I could handle looking into its face every day and seeing Dallas."

A look of pity comes over his face before it quickly disappears and I hate it. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because Dallas left me with a kid in the most physical sense possible. Nor did I want them to feel sorry that I was giving up my baby. If Dallas was still alive, maybe things would've been different. But he's not and I can't raise this baby as a single mother, no matter how much help I get from my friends. Friends aren't exactly the same as having two loving—and fully alive—parents.

"Well, you should go and grab Sarah, Matt, and Jess and I'll see you at Darry's," I say.

"You sure you're alright?"

"Positive. Now go." He looks unsure of whether or not he should go, but I stare him down until he does. Then I turn back to Dallas.

I sigh. "Dal, what am I going to do without you?" I whisper. I stand there like I'm waiting for a response until I'm the only one left. I kiss my fingers and touch Dallas's coffin. "Goodbye for now," I whisper to the lifeless body inside. Then I turn and head away from the cemetery.

I really should head to Darry's but I can't stand to be in a room where I'll be suffocated my misery and pity. Instead I head for the park.

When I arrive, I go to the last swing on the set and start swinging. And as I sit there swinging, tears are falling. This place holds so many memories. It's where Dallas and I had our first kiss, under the moon and stars. He was pushing me on this very swing, and we were talking. He suddenly stopped it and his face was mere inches from mine. He kept getting closer and, finally, he closed the gap. It was pure bliss. As I remember, I could hardly sleep that night I was filled with so much elation.

A smile comes over my face as I wipe the tears away. More come though as I remember I'll never feel that way with him again. The tears come faster now and are more abundant. I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

It starts to rain. No big deal. Just sprinkling, o I stay. But then it starts pouring, coming down so hard I can barely see. I stand up and throw my arms out, looking up at the sky. "Haven't I suffered enough? You gotta kick me when I'm down! Is this how you get your kicks?" I yell to a nonexistent being in the clouds.

"You cause my family to lose everything and we have to move to this side of town! You take away my friends! You let my parents fight over who I should be! And now you take the only good thing in my life away from me! Is this one of your sick jokes? Can't you allow me to be happy for once?"

I sink down to the muddy grass and wrap my arms around myself. I lower my head and gently rock back and forth. I cry for Dallas, and myself, and our unborn baby that'll never see this world because I can't stand the thought of raising it without him.

I begin to lose track of time and I stay until I can't cry anymore. All my tears had been shed. Now, I just feel weak and tired.

I figure I've been gone a while because the sky is growing darker, even with the stormy clouds above. I've worried the gang long enough so it's time to head to the Curtis's.

"Where the hell have you been?" Darry says when I walk in the door.

"Are you all right?" Officer Reilly asks concerned.

"Let's see, which question do you want me to answer first?" They all look at me apprehensive and quiet, waiting for an answer. Even the kids. "Fine, I was at the park having a nice conversation with God and he decided to rain on my parade. And for the second question, what the hell do you think?"

They all stand there, shocked at my outburst. I don't usually do that so of course they're surprised.

"Hey, Lex, why don't we go get you some dry clothes," Soda says, taking my arm.

"Don't call me that!" I say and shrug him off. They're all giving Soda stunned looks. They know that's what Dallas called me. Dallas and no one else. They just can't believe he said it. Hell, I can't even believe he said it.

I look around at them and stalk off to Darry's room to grab some of his clothes that are too small for him and that he just keeps around for me. I change out of my wet clothes and into sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I'm throwing my hair up into a ponytail when I hear a knock on the door.

"It's open."

The door slowly opens and Darry walks in. He closes the door behind him. "Steve and Two-Bit left. Soda and Pony are in their room. Sarah and Jimmy wanted me to tell you not to be afraid to pop in unexpected."

"Thanks." I pause. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved in there. It was uncalled for."

"It's okay. We know what you're going through."

Tears start falling from my eyes. "That's exactly why I shouldn't have acted like that. Y'all are hurting too."

Darry hears my tears as well as sees them. He comes over to me and takes my face in his hands, brushing away my tears with his thumbs. "You're hurting differently than us though. Your love for him separates our pain from yours. You can't help acting the way you are."

I look down and try to keep more tears from falling. I can't help it though. "I just miss him so much."

"Aww, Alex." He pulls me against him and holds my head to his chest.

"Why'd he do it, Darry? He knew he had me. He knew I loved him."

"Shh. He wasn't thinking. You know how he was."

"But why couldn't he be thinking just this once? I need him here with me."

"I know, baby. I know."

He leads me over to the bed and sits us down. I curl up against him and cry into his chest with his arms around me.

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I don't really know what is said at funerals, nor do I know much about religion, so forgive me if anything in this chapter isn't exactly correct. I hope you liked it. Review please and let me know. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I really will try to update sooner. Well, I hope you enjoy this. R&R please.**

_June 14, 1966_

"I can't believe we have to live in _this_," I said, standing on the front lawn—if you could call it that—of my family's new rundown shack.

"Now, honey, it's not that bad," my mom tried to convince me.

"Not that bad! The maid's apartment was bigger than this!"

"Alex, you know it's only until I find another job. It won't be that long," my dad said.

"Yeah right," I muttered under my breath.

"Alexandra Marie Johnson, stop your whining and carry your things inside."

I muttered under my breath and did as I was told. "Hm, I wonder which stall is mine," I said out loud.

"It's not a barn," my dad said coming up behind me.

"Of course not. Even horses live better than us now."

That riled him up and he put the box that he was carrying down. "Now, Alex, I know you're upset about this whole situation, but that's too bad. This is hard on all of us, not just you, so enough with the sarcasm." He ran a hand through his hair and when he spoke next, he was much calmer. "I always taught you to be tough, no matter what. This is one of those times. We're a family and we got to stick together through thick and thin. We need you not to argue with us and not to give us this attitude of yours. Your mother and I are doing our best. We just need you to work with us. We on the same page?"

"Yes sir," I said. He picked up his box and continued on his way. I brought the box I was carrying into my new—and much smaller—room and repeated this trip until all my boxes were out of the car.

Afterwards, I stood in my room, staring at all the unopened boxes. I really didn't feel like unpacking. I sifted through the box marked 'clothes' until I came up with a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. I changed out of my skirt and sweater and into those clothes. I grabbed my converse and put them on. I took an old baseball cap out of the box and tucked my long, black hair into it. No need to have every Soc driving around town recognizing me.

"Mom, Dad, I'm going out," I said as I made my way to the door.

"Don't stay out too late," I heard my dad yell back.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, only loud enough for me to hear, and walked down the porch steps. I started walking around town.

The East side really wasn't all the much different from the West side. There were diners and convenience stores. I even walked by the DX, which my friends and I occasionally stopped at to gas up and flirt with the employees. The only thing that was different was that this side of town was more rundown. Smaller, neglected houses compared to large, two-story mansions. Dry, brown grass instead of luscious, green grass. Beat up old Chevys in place of Mustangs and Corvettes. It wasn't all that bad actually, but it was much different from the part of town I used to call home.

"Heads up!" I broke away from my thoughts and looked up just in time to see a football come flying towards me. It took a little effort, but I caught it with ease.

"Hey, can you throw it back?" I looked over in the direction the ball and the voice came from. A group of boys was standing about ten meters away, just waiting to get their ball back. I pulled my arm back, moved it forward, and released the ball perfectly.

"Whoa, what an arm," the big one with the muscles said.

"You wanna play? Dal's team sure could use a new quarterback," the rusty-haired one said. A blond boy—who I assumed was Dal—hit the rusty-haired one in the back of the head.

Hm, did I want to play? I'd have to make friends if I was going to live on the East side. Might as well start now.

I started walking over to them, and as I neared, I heard the rusty-haired one say, "Holy shit, he's a she." I looked down as the blood rushed to my face.

"Where'd you learn to throw like that?" Muscles asked. Dal was staring at me unrelentingly.

"My dad taught me. As the youngest of three girls, I kinda became the replacement for the son my dad never got."

"What's your name?" the one that looked like a movie star—the same boy we flirted with at the DX—asked me.

"Alex."

"Just Alex? Not Alexandra?"

"Nope. Dad's choice again."

"Alex Johnson," Dal finally said.

"Um, yeah."

"Tell me this. What is one of the high and mighty Socs doin' on this side of town?"

I was confused. He looked familiar, along with two of the other boys, but I wasn't sure where I knew them from. "Well, long story short, my dad lost his job, we lost our money and our home, and now here I am," I said, removing my hat.

"You're not wearing you usual outfit. Where's your skirt and sweater set?"

Hm, did I want to give the reason straight out or flirt a bit? I mean, he was cute.

"Well, maybe you should drop by my house some night and see for yourself."

He smirked. "Maybe I will."

It hit me. I knew why he was so familiar. "Dallas Winston!"

"That's the name, babe, and you seem awfully excited to know it."

"We met at the movies. You were trying to hit on me and my friends."

"Good to see ya finally remembered."

I smiled. "You were with him," I said, pointing at a dark-skinned boy. "Johnny, right?" He nodded and looked down at his shoes. "And you're the one with the strange name," I said, looking at a reddish-brown-haired boy. "You have a brother with another strange name and one that roofs houses."

"Ponyboy," he answered. "This is Sodapop," he gestured to DX. "And this is Darry," he motioned to Muscles.

"Nice to meet you," I said. Soda gave me a big smile.

The rusty-haired one stepped forward. "Since none of these other knuckleheads got any manners, I'll introduce myself. Two-Bit Matthews."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Two-Bit Matthews."

"Believe me, the pleasure is all mine milady," he said and bowed. I laughed and he stood up grinning. "And this here is Stevie." He motioned to the guy standing towards the back with the style hair.

"Hey Stevie," I said.

"Steve," he corrected. I made a mental note of that, but decided that I was going to call him Stevie anyway. "And don't worry. Two-Bit won't be hittin' on ya for long. He's only got a thing for blonds."

"Hey, who knows? Maybe I'll make an exception for her," Two-Bit replied.

"I'd run for the hills," Johnny said, jokingly. I laughed.

"Okay, if y'all are done your chitchattin', let's get this show on the road," Dal said.

"Uh, Dal, I think you mean get this game goin' 'cause I don't see no show."

"Shut up, Two-Bit!" Dal said. Two-Bit grinned at me and winked. I smiled back.

"Alright, Alex, you can be on Dal's team," Darry said.

"No," Dal replied.

"What do ya mean no?"

"I don't want her on my team. You can have her."

I wasn't sure whether or not to be offended. I chose not to be, making the decision that Dal just wanted to prove he could beat Darry.

"Fine, then," I said, "let's get playin'." I saw a smirk appear on Dallas's face, but I wasn't' exactly sure why it did.

We set up on the 'line' and as soon as Darry yelled 'hike,' I was on the run. We made eye contact and he released the ball in my direction. But before the ball even reached me, I was down. Knocked flat on my back by Dallas Winston.

"Incomplete!" Soda called. Dallas climbed off of me and offered me a hand up. I took it, and we were soon setting up again. And Darry was soon throwing me the ball again. And I was soon tackled by Dallas again.

By the umpteenth time, I was getting fed up with it. "Can you move?" I asked, looking up at him and trying to control my temper.

"Yeah." I waited for him to get off of me, but he didn't.

"Are you going to move?"

"I dunno. I kinda like you in this position."

"Ugh!" I shoved him off of me and stood up. "Sorry boys, but I think I've had enough football for one day."

I caught them glaring at Dallas before I turned to walk away. My footsteps were soon being followed by heavier footfalls. "Hey, Alex, wait up." Darry was walking beside me. "Don't go. Dal's just being Dal. He ain't all that bad once you get to know him." I just glanced over at him and continued walking. He continued to follow. "C'mon, we can go back to my house. My mom's always happy to see new faces. And she makes the best chocolate cake."

I considered it for a moment, before turning to him with a smile plastering my face. "I'd love to go back to your house." He grinned back. I realized for the first time that day that he had a really nice smile.

"C'mon, I'll race ya," he said.

"But I don't even know where you live."

"Guess you got a problem then," he replied, dimples appearing as his grin widened. He took off running and I laughed as I ran after him.

He collapsed in the front yard a few blocks away. I caught up and lay down beside him. We were both breathing heavily. I felt great. It'd been a while since I'd been for a good run. I'd almost forgotten how much I loved it.

"That…was great," I said.

"Wanna go again?" He looked over at me and wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed.

"Dar, is that you?" a woman called from inside the house.

"Yeah, mom," he called back. "C'mon," he said to me. We got up and I followed him inside. The rest of the boys were there. Unfortunately, Dallas included.

"Well, hun, who do you have with you?" his mom said when she saw us.

"Mrs. Curtis, I'd like ya to meet Alex Johnson, Darry's new girlfriend," Two-Bit said.

"Really?" she seemed surprised. I didn't miss the color coming to Darry's face.

"No. We actually just met. She just moved here." Darry shot a dirty look in Two-Bit's direction.

"Really? Where from?"

"The other side of town, actually," I replied, smiling.

"That must've been nice."

"Yes, ma'am. It was."

"So how'd you two meet?"

"I was exploring this side of town, and I almost got hit with their football."

"Darrel," she scolded.

"Don't look at me. It's Soda that can't control the ball."

Soda smiled sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that by the way."

Mrs. Curtis was shaking her head. "It was really no big deal. I caught it."

"Yeah, then she played with us. That is until she got fed up with Dally," Johnny said. Mrs. Curtis glanced over at Dal. He just shrugged. "She's actually pretty good," Johnny continued.

Mrs. Curtis smiled at me. "It's about time someone put these boys in their place."

"Hey, she can put me in my place any time."

"Keith!" she said appalled, but a grin appeared on her face. On my face, too.

"Keith?" I asked.

"Let me guess, he told you his name was Two-Bit?"

"Yup." I grinned at him. "I think I should start calling you Keith."

"Aww, c'mon. Even my teachers at school are starting to call me Two-Bit. Don't ruin it."

"I'll think about it." I turned back to Mrs. Curtis.

"How 'bout some chocolate cake and milk?" she asked.

"I'd love some. Thank you."

"Me too."

"Yeah, mom, share the love."

"Y'all want some, y'all can get it yourselves," she replied. "C'mon." I followed her into the kitchen and Darry followed me. "Sit down," she told me. "I'll get it for you."

"Thanks." Darry sat with me.

"How old are you anyways?" he asked.

"Sixteen. How old are you?"

"Seventeen. I turn eighteen in a few months."

"I bet you're a senior this year, too." He nodded. "Lucky. I wish I could graduate this year." He grinned. "So you play any sports?"

"Football."

I grinned back. "Any other ones?"

"Nah, football's my thing. How 'bout you?"

"Well, I love running. I can pretty much play any sport, but I don't play on any teams."

"Here you go," Mrs. Curtis said, placing a piece of cake and a glass of milk each in front of me and Darry.

"Thank you," I said.

"Yeah, thanks mom."

She smiled. "You come around any time you want," she told me. "No matter what time it is. You're always welcome."

"Thanks." She left the room and I heard her 'yelling' at the rest of the boys in the living room. "Your mom is so cool."

"Yeah, I think so. She's really great."

"I wish mine was like her. Mine's always tryin' to get me to be something I'm not."

"What's that?"

"Really girly, like my sisters. To tell you the truth, I prefer being around my dad. He doesn't judge me or nothing. He teaches me how to play sports and how to fix cars and all kinds of things. My mom just wants me to be like my sisters and act 'ladylike.' She actually calls me Alexandra, even though that isn't my real name. She just likes to pretend that I'm her little debutante."

"That must be tough."

"Yeah, I guess it is, but I do as she wants when we're in public. Like at school, I wear skirts and blouses. But when I'm on my own, I dress how I want: Jeans and a t-shirt. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like to look nice and girly. Just not all the time."

"Yeah, me too." I laughed at the serious look that was on his face. I hit his arm. He looked at me and laughed.

"So what's the deal with Dallas? He that pleasant with everyone?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Plus, he's used to girls swooning over him. You were more disgusted than swooning."

"What? So he's gonna be a pain in my ass because I'm the first girl who doesn't wanna sleep with him?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Ugh. That's gonna frustrate the hell outta me."

He laughed. "You'll get used to it. We have. Besides, if he bothers you too much, just let me know, if ya know what I mean."

I laughed too. "Oh, I know what you mean."

"Hey guys, we're headin' to the movies. You wanna come?" Two-Bit yelled.

"You up for it?" Darry asked me.

"Sure. Let's go." We both got up and followed the rest of the boys out of the house for the drive-in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. It's not even that this took me long to write. I was just not motivated to write it down. So I hope you forgive me and I hope you enjoy this. Let me know what you think.**

_April 8, 1969_

It's gone. The baby's gone. I did it.

I had an appointment this morning. Darry took the day off of work so he could take me. I would've gone alone, but he insisted on coming. I let him, not knowing he had an alternative motive for bringing me. What I thought was going to be a quiet fifteen minutes to the clinic turned into the longest fifteen minutes I've ever experienced. Darry kept trying to convince me to keep the baby and telling me that I was going to regret getting rid of it. He's probably right. As soon as I get over Dal's death, I'll probably be wishing I'd kept our kid. I mean, this baby was the only part of Dallas I had left and I just got rid of it. So I'm almost certain that Darry's right.

But I couldn't admit that to Darry.

We arrived at the clinic and sat in the waiting room with the other expecting mothers. He kept giving me looks and I made a point of ignoring him until I was called. We walked into the room and waited another ten minutes for Dr. Sawyer to come in.

"Ms. Johnson," he said when he finally came. "Nice to see you again."

"Yeah, you too," I replied.

He looked around the room and said, "Where's Mr. Winston today? He have other plans?"

I swallowed hard and Darry looked over at me. "Actually, Dallas, uh, won't be coming back anymore," Darry said. "He's, uh…"

"Dead," I finished for him.

The smile left Dr. Sawyer's face. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know."

"It's alright," I said.

He looked at his chart and back at me. "Are you sure? You seemed so excited last time you were in here."

"That was when Dallas was still here."

He looked at me. I could tell he thought I was making the wrong decision. "I'm going to give you a pill. You don't have to take it now. Take it at home and think about it. Once you take it, if you decide to take it, the process will begin. Just make sure you're doing what you want and not what you think should be done." I wasn't going to argue with him. I just wanted the pill. "I'm going to want to see you in two weeks no matter what you decide to do," he said, handing over the pill.

"Will do," I said. We said our goodbyes, and Darry and I left.

The ride home was exactly how I expected the ride there to be: silent.

Darry was reluctant to drop me off at my empty house, but as soon as he did, I rushed into the kitchen, got a glass of water, and swallowed the pill.

And that leads up to present time, with me lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I haven't cried yet. I can't decide if that's good or bad. I don't really know what I'm feeling. Indifferent maybe? I really don't know. What I do know is that I haven't moved from this spot since 12:07 this afternoon when I got home from the doctor's. And it is now 3:31.

I fell kind of guilty. I should fell something, shouldn't I? Sadness, anger, defeat? I mean, I just killed something me and Dal created, something that had been growing inside of me for the past eleven weeks. I had a connection with the thing. My motherly feelings should be kicking in any time now. When that time will be, I have no idea.

There's a knock on my door. "Alex?" The door opens and my dad walks in.

"Hey," I say, sitting up. "When did you get home?"

"A few minutes ago. You busy?"

"Definitely not."

"Want to help me work on the car? It's been running a little funny lately."

"Sure, just let me change clothes." Fixing the car is something that will keep my mind off of things. And keep me from feeling guilty.

He leaves the room and I hear the screen door swing shut. I change into a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt and head out.

I find my dad sitting on the porch steps, staring out at the street. He looks up at me when he hears the door close. "Go ahead. I already checked it out. Can't find the damn problem."

I smile and go to work. I've always been better than my dad at fixing cars. He taught me everything he knows, and then Steve and Soda taught me everything they know. I check everything that could possibly need fixing. I double check, more confused than ever.

"There is nothing wrong with this car. It's in perfect running condition."

"I know," he says.

"You know? Then why do you got me workin' on it?"

"I thought it'd keep your mind off of everything that's happened lately." Exactly the reason I'm out here. I sit down next to him and he puts his arm around my shoulders. "I've been thinking that I should send you to stay with one of your sisters or with your mom." My mom left about a year ago. She couldn't handle living on this side of town anymore. My dad and I don't mind it, but she couldn't stand it. She wanted me to go with her, but I stayed. My dad needs me as much as I need him. "It wouldn't be for long. Just long enough for them to help you get over things."

"Dad, no. The best way to help me get over it is to let me stay here with you and Darry and Jimmy and the rest of the gang, not sending me away."

He sighs. "I only want what's best for you."

"This is what's best for me."

He doesn't answer right away. "I only want you to be happy again and smile like you used to."

"I will. I just need time."

He kisses the top of my head, and we sit there for a little while, his arm around my shoulders.

"You know what, Dad? I think I'm gonna go to work," I say after a while.

"Are you sure that's the best thing to do right now?"

I nod. "I need to get out of the house and keep myself busy. Work will definitely do that."

I can tell there's an internal battle going on inside of him over whether or not to let me go, but he finally says, "Alright, but call if you're going to do something else afterwards. I worry about you."

"I know, Daddy. I'll be okay." I kiss his cheek and make my way to my room to change into my work clothes.

Ten minutes later, the DX is drawing closer. "Hey Alex!" Soda calls as I walk onto the lot.

"Hey Sodapop. How's it goin'?"

"Alright, I s'pose. But how 'bout with you?" he asks, looking real serious.

"Fine. Now what do you want me to work on?" I ask quickly, eager to change the subject.

"Um, I guess you could work the counter. Steve's too busy in the garage to do it. But you might wanna see Bill first."

Bill's my boss. Tall, shoulder-length brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, muscular. He's kind of intimidating when you first meet him, but once you look into his eyes, your fear lessens. They're just so warm, which is unusual for guys like him. It's nice; it makes me a little happier coming to work knowing that my boss isn't a complete jackass. Total opposite of my boss down at the Dingo.

I knock on the door. Bill's in his office and I hear him tell me to come in. He doesn't even look up from what he's doing until I say, "Soda said I should see you."

He's shocked. I can tell. "Go home, Johnson. I don't want you here."

"What're you talking about? This is my shift."

"I don't want you working today. Go home, rest, take it easy. Grieve like you're supposed to be doin'."

"C'mon, Bill. I've done enough cryin' to last me a life time. Lemme stay."

"No."

"Bill, please. I need to keep my mind occupied."

"No."

"Please," I say in a somewhat pleading and vulnerable tone.

He looks at me for a long while, taking me in. He succumbs. "Alright, but take it easy. I don't need something happenin' to ya."

"Jeez, you sound like my father," I try to say jokingly.

He doesn't buy my lightheartedness and just stares hard at me.

"Thank you," I say in a more serious voice.

He smiles and nods. I walk out and take my position behind the counter.

It's a slow day and I'm bored. There's not much to do behind the counter when Soda's taking care of everything outside by the pumps. I walk over to the shelves and organize the products to keep busy. I'm doing good until I get to the cigarette section. I pick up a box of Kools and run my finger over it. I don't even notice that I'm crying until a teardrop lands on the plastic cover. I replace the box and enter Bill's office. He takes one look at me and says, "Go home."

I nod and hurry out. I can't stay around any longer. I practically run home, my path blurred with tears. I lock myself in my room, leaving my dad standing confused in the living room. I lay down on my bed, sobbing into my pillow.

_Why, Dallas? Why did you have to do this? You idiot! I need you here with me! How am I supposed to survive without you?_

_I love you…_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own The Outsiders. I only own Alex.

Warning: Sexual content. Don't really have to read it if you don't want to, but some of it is kinda funny.

* * *

_June 28, 1966_

There was a knock on my window and I went to open it, knowing that Two-Bit was waiting to come in. But what a surprise it was to see not Two-Bit, but Dallas standing on the other side of my window. "What're you doing here?" I asked, moving aside so he could climb in.

"Came to see where you're hiding the skirts and sweaters."

"That suggestion was weeks ago, Dal. Besides I was joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one?" He shrugged. I rolled my eyes. "So what're you really doing here?"

"I told ya. I came to see the outfits. Thought I could borrow one for my sister to, ya know, fancy her up."

"Yeah, that'd be a great idea…if you actually had a sister."

"Minor setback. Guess I should get me one of those." I grinned and hit his arm. "Jeez, first you kill my dreams of havin' a sister and now you're abusin' me. That hurts." He stared at me, the look in his eye changing. "You know there is a way to make it up to me," he said, moving closer to me.

"Yeah, and how's that?"

He didn't answer me. "You know you look really beautiful today." I rolled my eyes. Where was all this bullshit coming from?

"Sweet talkin' me ain't gonna get me into bed with you."

"And how do you know that's what I'm here for?"

"Oh please," I said, sarcastically.

"Fine, what will?"

I moved closer to him, backing him against the wall. I sidled up against him, lightly brushing the front of his jeans with my hand as I did. My mouth was only an inch or two away from his, our breath intermingling. "How 'bout you do a little something for me, and I'll do a little something for you?" I said breathily, pressing up against his groin.

I should probably have mentioned that I was a tease. Alright, more like a slut by the West Side's standards. Okay, fine. Probably the East Side's standards, too. I'd slept with various guys, both single and taken, but, hey, I couldn't help it. I liked it too much. I liked playing around with them, seeing what kinds of reactions I could get out of them. This here with Dallas wasn't any different.

"And what would that be?" he squeaked.

"Jeez Dal, I didn't think your face could get any redder with all your blood rushing…down." I looked down at the growing bulge in his pants and then back at him smirking. "You should probably take care of that." I moved away from him and sat down on my bed. "I thought you greaser boys were supposed to be in control. It sure doesn't seem like it. I mean, if you can't even control both your minds—particularly the one between your legs—how good can you actually be at controlling other things?"

He glared at me and walked over to my bed. Actually it was more like limping. He couldn't have been comfortable in those jeans. It looked like he was trying to adjust himself as he walked. I couldn't contain my smirk. "You mean you're not even gonna help a guy out?" he said, standing in front of me.

"Depends if you help me with something."

"And what is that?"

"I don't know. Haven't thought of it yet."

He sighed in frustration and fell back on my bed. I looked over at him. That tent in his pants wasn't getting any smaller. I smiled to myself. "Hey, Dal. You thinkin' sick, dirty thoughts tryin' to get rid of that thing?"

"Shut up."

Maybe I could help him out just this once. I reached over and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans before he even realized it. "What the fuck are you doin'?"

"Helpin' you out, but if you don't want me to…" I trailed off and started pulling my hand away.

"No!" he said quickly, grabbing my hand and shoving it down his pants.

"Boy, Dallas, you in a hurry? If you don't have time, you could always _come_ later." I took my hand away.

He glared at me and sat up. If you ain't gonna give me any, I'm gonna go find someone else that will."

The truth was, I would've been happy to give him some. He was just so absolutely sexy. And seeing him in this state was kind of turning me on. I didn't want to admit it to him though. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to have sex with him, but sitting next to him like this was leaving me all hot and bothered, and I didn't particularly like it. I shouldn't have been like this, right? I couldn't even stand the guy. I decided to do something about it.

"Well, Dal, sorry to cut this short, but I actually got some place to be, so if you don't mind…"

He looked at me in disbelief, not standing up. "You fuckin' stick your hand down my jeans and now you're not even gonna fuckin' finish what you started." He was unbelievable pissed.

"Sorry, but, like I said, I got some place to be." That place being work. "So I really gotta finish getting' ready."

He shook his head furiously, standing up and redoing his jeans. He limped over to the window and climbed out, muttering things like "bitch" and "stupid broad" and "fuckin' doesn't think I can find another broad, screw her."

I laughed until I couldn't hear him any more. Then I went into the bathroom to shower. When I reentered my room, I changed into a pair of short jean shorts, a white tank-top, and my DX shirt, tied above my belly button. I threw my hair into a messy bun, slipped my shoes on, and headed out.

"Al-ex, bay-bee! About time you showed up!" Soda called as I approached the station. The two girls with him shot me loathing looks before turning their attention back to him.

"Hey Sodapop! Busy yet?"

"Not really. It will be now, once people hear that you're workin' today," he said with a grin on his face.

I smiled back. I was like the female version of Sodapop. While he drew in all the female customers, various male customers came to see me. A little bit of flirting, a little bit of playful hitting, a little bit of playing hard to get, and, boom, we have regular customers. Bill was awfully happy about that. It was a nice change of pace having male customers to buy things instead of female customers who just wanted to be in Soda's presence.

I left Soda out by the pumps and headed inside to man the counter so Steve could go work in the garage. I grabbed a Pepsi out of the ice box, a magazine off the rack, and I leaned against the counter.

I was about halfway through my soda when the bell above the door rang. I looked up and saw a cute, shaggy-haired guy come in. "Hey," I said, smiling, "what can I do for you?"

He stopped on the opposite side of the counter. "You can go out with me tomorrow night is what you can do for me."

I grinned. "Now how can I let you take me out when I don't even know your name?"

"Trevor."

"Well, Trevor. It's nice to meet you. I'm Alex," I said, sticking out my hand. He took it. "And, if I say yes, where you plannin' on taking me?"

"I don't know. Dinner, movies."

"Hmm. Rain check until Saturday? I'm busy tomorrow."

"Another date?" he asked smiling.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

We just stared at one another for a moment. "Saturday's great," he said.

I pulled a pen out of my messy hair and took his hand. "Here's my address. Pick me up at, oh say, seven o'clock."

"You got it." He winked at me and turned to leave. He passed Soda, who was on his way in.

"Finally said yes, huh? That's a change."

"What can I say? I'm feeling generous today." At least to most people.

"You should come outside. It's beautiful out."

"And what about the counter?"

"Aw, c'mon, Alex. Would you rather spend the day in the sun or inside a stuffy, dim store?"

I grinned at him and followed him outside. I climbed on the hood of a car parked in front of the garage, waiting to be brought inside. Soda went to attend to a car that had just pulled in.

While Soda was flirting with the driver, I saw Dallas walk onto the lot. He greeted Soda and they both walked over to me.

"Hey Dallas. Did you get that problem taken care of?" I asked.

"What do you think?"

I looked down at the front of his jeans. Something inside me fluttered. I tried to ignore it. "Well, it looks taken care of to me," I said smirking. "Now tell me, did you get some assistance or did you do it yourself?"

He just glared at me and turned to Soda. "Party tonight at Bucks. You up for it?"

"Yeah, man. I'll meet you there."

"And how do you plan on getting past your mom?" I asked him.

"I dunno. I'll think of something."

"Good luck with that," I said and looked out at the street.

"You goin'?" I looked at Dallas.

"I don't know. Was that an invitation?"

"It can be whatever you want it to be."

I slid off the car and said, "Hmm. I don't think I'm gonna take that as an invite. You ain't nice enough to do that. But I'm gonna go anyway. Now where is this Buck's?"

"Come by the Curtis's later and you can be my date."

"Um, I think I'll pass."

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. "C'mon Lex, you know you wanna go with me."

I ignored him. "Is this really a good idea after what happened earlier?" He glared at me.

"What happened earlier?" Soda asked.

"Nothing," Dal said, moving away from me. "So what do you say? Be my date?"

"What part didn't you understand the last time?"

"C'mon Lex. Who else is gonna take ya?"

"Please, Dal. I could pick any guy to take me and they'd be more than willing."

"Yeah right. Prove it."

"Fine." I looked out onto the streets for any passers-by. "Hey you," I yelled.

He stopped and looked at me. Then he headed over. "You goin' to Buck's tonight?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Wanna be my boy toy for the night?" I watched as his eyes roamed my body and I could've sworn I saw him lick his lips. Then he did the unthinkable and glanced at Dallas, who just shrugged.

"Yeah, I'll go with you. Do I get to know your name or am I just s'posed to call you babe all night?"

"The name's Alex, but you can call me whatever you want."

He looked over at Dal again. "She probably doesn't even know who you are. She's just tryin' to prove me wrong and show how big of a slut she is by stringin' along two guys."

"Lemme guess. You're the other guy," he said to Dal, who nodded. "Tim Shepard," he said to me.

"Figures. Out of all the Greasers in this town, I pick the two biggest hoods. Jeez, I can't catch a break today."

Tim smirked. "Why ain't you goin' with him?"

"She likes to pretend she can't stand the thought of me," Dal answered for me.

"Well, if you don't like him, you definitely ain't gonna like me."

"Just find us a place where we can get a little privacy and I'll like you just fine," I said, moving against his body.

Tim was still smirking. "I'll pick you up at the Curtis's around seven."

"Sounds like a plan." I smiled at him. "Now if you boys will excuse me, I really should be getting back to work." I heard them talking about me as I went inside the building.

Later that night, I walked into the Curtises, finding Dallas and Tim in deep conversation. Tim stopped in mid-sentence when the screen door slammed shut. He looked me up and down, taking in my short jean skirt, low-cut red tank top, and red high heels. This time I was positive he licked his lips. He got up and came over to me. "Hey," he said with a stupid smirk adorning his face.

"Hey yourself," I said, smiling and moving closer to him. I wet my lips and looked up at him seductively. The look in his eyes changed and it satisfied me. I planted a long, soft kiss on his lips, feeling Dallas glaring at my back during it.

"C'mon," Tim said when we pulled apart. "Let's get outta here before Mrs. Curtis sees you and doesn't let you leave the house."

"Sounds good." I took his hand and started leading him out the door. "See ya, Dal," I called over my shoulder.

"Uh-uh. I'm comin' with you." He grabbed his leather jacket and ran out the door after us.

I dropped Tim's hand and he threw his arm around my shoulders. I moved closer.

When we reached this so-called Buck's, we went inside without knocking. The room was loud and smoky, crowded with wanna-be cowboys, greasers, and girls dressed similar to myself.

Tim disappeared for a moment and returned with beers for the three of us. He handed me one and I moved up against him. "You don't have to get me drunk to get me into bed with you. I'd happily do it for you."

He smirked. "I'm holding you to that."

"Good. I was hoping you would." I took a sip of my beer and took his from him. I handed both bottles to Dallas and dragged Tim to the middle of the room. I moved my body against his and he pulled me closer, his hands on my hips, our lower halves touching and moving in sync. It didn't last long though, as he pulled me to the corner of the room and pinned me to the wall with the lower part of his body. Our lips urgently connected. I was soon panting. He slid one of his legs in between mine and started grinding against me. I let out a moan as some of the pressure growing between my legs was relieved. It didn't stay that way as I felt him hardening with each motion. His lips moved to the base of my throat.

"Now…would be the time…to hold me…to…my promise," I panted.

He stopped and looked into my eyes to make sure I wasn't just playing with him. He pulled me to the stair case. The last thing I saw was Dallas watching me as I disappeared upstairs.

Tim pulled me into a room and shut the door. He slammed me up against the wall. Not in an aggressive way, but more like an I-want-you-so-bad-right-now kinda way. He crushed his lips against mine and I felt him bite my lip. When he pulled away to take a breath, I licked my lips and tasted blood. I smiled at him devilishly, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist.

Our lips connected again as he moved us over to the bed, lying down on top of me. I slipped my high heels off as he slid his hand under my shirt. His lips trailed down to my throat and I entangled my fingers in his dark curls. He reached his hand under my skirt and started removing my underwear. I lifted my hips to make it easier. I reached down to undo his belt and he pushed my hands away. A low growl resonated in my throat and he stopped. He sat up and smirked while I finished undoing his jeans and pushed them down to his ankles. He lay back down on top of me and I slid my hands up the back of his shirt, feeling his taut muscles. He looked me in the eyes and pushed into me. My nails dug into his shoulders as I tried to get a grip on something. I attempted to maintain eye contact with him, but my eyes soon closed, my body overwhelmed with pleasure.

He was aggressive from the start and I knew with this pace, we weren't going to last long. I quickly climaxed, Tim coming soon after. He collapsed on top of me, both of us breathless. We lay there in silence, trying to regain our control.

About ten minutes later, I disappeared into the bathroom to straighten myself out. When I walked back into the room, Tim was gone. Figured. Just wanted the sex. Not that I minded; it was great. He was a guy, probably horny as soon as he got off the steps. Whatever. Not my problem anymore.

I picked my underwear off the floor and stepped into them. I straightened my skirt and left the room.

When I got downstairs, I sat down on a stool next to Dallas at the makeshift bar. He didn't even look over at me. All he said was, "You're fuckin' complicated, ya know that?"

"Me? Complicated? How so?"

"You just met Shepard this morning and you're already screwin' him. You've known me for weeks and we've gotten no where except for the occasional fight."

"You wanna screw me?" That caused him to look over at me, his eyes full of desire. "Well, Dal, you're day will come." I grabbed his chin and pressed my lips to his. I took a sip of his drink and walked away, feeling his eyes on me. I smiled as I walked out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. So I'm updating by the time I said I would. I know it's not as long as some of my other chapters, but I really wanted to get something out for you guys to read. I hope you like it. It's kinda sad, but hey, that's how this story's supposed to be. I don't think I'm going to be updating Home, so for all of you who are reading that too, I apologize. I'll try but I don't think it's going to happen.**

**Disclaimer (because I don't think I've done one in a while): I don't own the Outsiders. I only own Alex.**

_April 19, 1969_

As I turn the corner, the house looms into view. My breath starts to come in short, quick intakes and I come to a stop about ten yards away. I close my eyes and get my breathing under control. When I'm ready, I open my eyes and examine the house. No car in the driveway, no lights in the house. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's empty.

I take one final deep breath and head toward the house. I have to pause every few steps in order to maintain control. I walk up the porch steps and use the key that you gave me for emergencies. I cautiously walk inside and listen for movement. You never know when your parents are going to be passed out drunk.

I carefully close the door and move around, stepping through an array of beer bottles and trash. No offense, but your house smells awful. I know it's not your fault since you were always at my house. I turn towards your room, maneuvering through the mess.

I can't believe you left me here to potentially deal with your parents. You know I don't like them. Even more than that, they absolutely despise me. Don't you remember when they found out we were engaged? They said I was ruining your life, that I was going to hold you back. I didn't, did I? I hope I didn't anyway.

I close your bedroom door behind me, just in case. I don't want to take any chances of running into your parents. I can tell they haven't been in here. It looks like it hasn't been touched since the last time we were here. It even smells just like you. Cigarettes, aftershave, and that cologne that I bought you for your birthday last year. Want to hear something funny? Our clothes are still strewn across the floor from the day we spent in bed during one of your parents' regular absences. And I wore your sweatpants and a t-shirt instead of putting my own back on. I'm going to miss days like that.

I came here to pack up your things since I know your parents' idea of "packing up" includes putting your things in a garbage bag and placing it on the side of the road. But, now that I'm here, I can't bring myself to do it. It's like it makes everything permanent. That you're never coming back. I mean, I know you're not, but packing your things solidifies the situation.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It isn't helping. I open my eyes and walk out. I pick up the phone in the hallway that's next to your room and dial the house number. '_Hello?'_

"Darry? It's Alex."

'_Is everything okay?'_ he asks. I can tell he's concerned.

"Yeah, it's fine. It's just that I'm packing up Dal's things and I could use a little company."

'_I'll be there in ten minutes.'_

I hang up the phone and go back into your room. I sit on your bed until I hear a knock on the door. "Come in," I call and I hear the door open and close. Footsteps sound until they stop on the other side of the bedroom door. The door opens and in walks Darry.

"Hey," he says.

I look up at him. "Hi."

He looks around the room and then back at me smiling. "Looks like you two had some fun."

I smile. "We did. It was about two weeks before Johnny killed Bob. His parents had disappeared on one of their regular "trips." Dal and I decided to use the weekend as a trial marriage to see how it'd work out. We came here and he surprisingly cooked me dinner, not allowing me to touch anything. Afterwards we sat together in each other's arms watching a movie, him occasionally talking to my belly, and we fell asleep on the couch. The next day, after breakfast, we made love and spent the entire day and night in bed. Early Monday morning, we woke up to head back to my place and I threw on some of his clothes instead of mine."

Darry smiles at me, but you can tell that he feels bad and that he's missing Dallas. Wanting to change the subject, I say, "Can you get the boxes? They're in the living room."

He nods and leaves the room. I look around, knowing this is the last time I'm coming back here.

Darry comes back into the room carrying the folded-up boxes. He places the pile on the bed and starts setting them up. While he's doing that, I walk over to your bureau and start taking out your clothes. I lift a t-shirt out and hold it to my face, inhaling the scent. It's amazing how even that smells like you after being washed so many times. I fold it back up and place it on top of the bureau. It seems like I do that with every one of your shirts. I can't help it. Your scent is invigorating.

I carry your clothes over to the bed and put them in a box. They all fit in one box. Of course, we both know that a majority of your clothes are at my house.

I pick my clothes up of the floor and use them to line the bottom of another box. The box for breakable things. I bring it over to your bureau and place your cologne in it, but not before spraying a bit on me.

In the center of the bureau is a picture frame: A picture of the entire gang at the Curtis family picnic, which actually included the entire Curtis family, plus the gang, me, my dad, and Mrs. Matthews. The picnic took place at the lake, so we were all in our bathing suits. With me being the only girl, I was in the middle. Dal was on one side of me, Darry on the other. Next to Dal was Johnny and Pony, Soda and Steve were beside Darry, and Two-Bit stood behind me making a crazy face. It'd been a warm, cloudless sunny day and we'd just gotten out of the water to get some food. Mrs. Matthews came over with the camera and gathered us all together. It was a great time but it also marked a sad event. It was the last family picnic before Mr. and Mrs. Curtis died.

I take one last look at the picture and place it in the box. Your St. Christopher medal and your switchblade follow. You know, you really don't have all that many things. I could've sworn this room used to be a mess with all that junk you had. What happened to it all? I hope you didn't get rid of it on my account.

I look at the wall next to your bureau. It's covered in pictures that I didn't even know you had. They range from pictures of you and Johnny as kids to the entire gang, maybe sometime in junior high, to pictures of you, me, and Darry. I take them off the wall and put them in the box.

I look around the room to see if there's anything I missed and I realize that there's still something by your bed. I walk over and gasp when I see what's hanging on the wall. Tears start to form in my eyes as I carefully take the picture off the wall. I run my shaking fingers over it as a tear falls from my eye. It's a picture of you and me. It's another one from the picnic. The sun was setting and we were sitting next to one another on the beach. And you kissed me. I vaguely remember Mrs. Curtis taking this picture as we were pulling apart. We're both smiling and just staring into one another's eyes. The tears start coming harder now and I choke on a sob.

"What's wrong?" Darry asks concerned and I hear him get off the bed. I don't say anything. I can tell when he's standing right behind me. He looks over my shoulder and takes in the sight of the picture. "Aw, Alex." The next thing I know, he's taking the picture out of my hands and pulling me to him. I grab at his shirt, burying my face into his chest. He's trying to quiet me, but it isn't working. I miss you too much to calm down in a matter of minutes. I just want to curl up in your bed, under the blankets, and cry into your pillow, while inhaling your scent. But I know Darry isn't going to let me do that. I just can't believe that I'm never going to see you again. You're the love of my life and here I am living the rest of my life without you.

I finally calm down after about twenty minutes. Darry's still holding me, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down my back. "I think I should get you home." All I can do is nod. I'm too tired out to even respond. He leads me out to his truck and sits me in the passenger seat. Then he goes back inside to get the boxes, which he places in the bed of the truck. The drive home is silent, and, when we reach my house, he leads me into my house and up to my room. The boxes follow. He leaves shortly after, after making sure I'm situated.

After changing into some pajamas, I grab your jacket and crawl into my bed and cry. It seems like I don't know how to do anything else anymore. I know everyone wants me to get better and they're just waiting in the shadows for it, but I don't think I can. I don't know how to get you not being here. People keep saying that I only need time, but how much time does it take to get over a broken heart? I don't know how to fix it and I don't know how to live without you. I need you here with me.

You're my one and only love, Dallas Winston, and that's how it's going to stay, no matter what everyone says.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again. Sorry I took so, so long to update. It seems that I've had a severe case of writers block. So after almost 2 months, here it is. Consider this my present to you, celebrating the end of the school year and the beginning of summer. I know I'm pumped, so I'm just assuming that you are too. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it.**

**And I almost forgot, but I'd like to thank nocturne tigress for getting my butt in gear to write this chapter. Seriously. You should thank her. You wouldn't have an update if it wasn't for her. **

**Disclaimer (Since I haven't updated in forever): I sadly do not own any of the alluring boys that appear in The Outsiders. **

_July 17, 1966_

Party at Buck's.

Tonight.

What else is new?

That's guy's always throwing a party.

I was at work when I found out. Some greasers and their girls were talking about it. I rolled my eyes. I was growing tired of all of Buck's parties. Having so many took the excitement out. I was almost set on not going. That is until Soda and Angela changed my mind.

Angela Shepard. My new and currently only female friend.

We met down at the Dingo, my second part time job. I was having some trouble with a male customer, you know, with the groping and the sweet/dirty talking. It was all quite appalling. I was saved by Angel. She came right over and asked if there was a problem. The guy immediately let go, paid, and left. I thanked her and we introduced ourselves.

_Shepard_.

That's why the pig let go. Didn't want any trouble from ole Timmy.

After that, she came by the diner everyday during my shift and we talked and hung out whenever I had a free moment. No one messed with me after that. Apparently friends of Angela had some amount of influence and persuasion over Tim. It appears that they didn't know that I had screwed Tim long before I ever met his sister. Does that mean I have even more influence over him?

Anyways…this party was somehow supposed to top all of Buck's other parties, thought I highly doubted it would. Highlight of the friggen year apparently.

After work, Angela was coming over my house so we could "get ready together." What she really meant was so she could use me as her own personal Barbie doll. We would walk to Buck's without any of the guys so we appeared single and willing (although I don't know exactly how 'willing' I was feeling). We'd meet Soda there. No clue how he was planning to get past his parents again. The same alibi could only work a limited number of times.

At my house, I was forced down onto a chair while Angel poked and prodded me with brushes and pencils. She tugged at my hair and nearly burned my ear off with the curling iron. After that torture, she wouldn't even allow me a glimpse in the mirror. She went over to my closet and grabbed a pair of short, fringy jean shorts (that were actually jeans before I decided to experiment with a pair of scissors) and matched it with a loose, off-the-shoulder, knitted shirt that required me to wear a sexy (Angel's word, not mine) set of lingerie. She then paired that with a pair of cowboy boots.

Finally I was allowed a look at my reflection.

It actually wasn't that bad of an outfit. It was pretty cute. I could deal without the see-through shirt though. My hair was gathered back in random bunches and then it was all thrown into a messy bun. I had this leather cord (well not exactly a cord, but you get the gist of it) around my head, across my forehead. I had to admit, Angel knew what she was doing.

I looked back at her smiling. She'd gotten ready in a matter of minutes. Apparently I was the only one who had to go through torture tonight. She was in tight jeans, a tight shirt (that barely covered her), and some high heels, with her hair left down, her natural curls already adding life to it.

"Why am I the only one who had to go through all that pain?" I just felt the need to ask.

"Because you're the only one trying to impress a certain greaser."

Alright, I was confused. Which greaser was that?"

"A certain tow-headed hood in tight jeans and a brown, leather jacket," she said when I asked.

"Dallas?! I don't think so! I can't even stand him!"

"Oh, my bad. All that incessant flirting and bickering must've just been part of my imagination. I'm so sorry," she replied sarcastically.

I really wanted to slap that smirk right off her face. She just kept reminding me of her brother the more time I spent with her.

"Let's just go to the damn party," I said angrily and stormed out. She laughed and followed.

I couldn't stay mad for long though. The closer we got to Buck's, the more relaxed I became. I love parties, no matter what I said before. Ang and I were already acting like we had had a few by the time we got inside. Guys whistled at us and I even felt a few hands on my backside, but I ignored it. I was in too good of a mood to make a scene.

We spotted Tim and his gang in the corner of the room and made our way over to them. He let out a long, slow whistle as we got closer. "What do we got here?" Tim said, his eyes never leaving me. He took my hand in his and spun me around to get a good look at me. "I _really_ like this outfit," he said.

"Your sister put it together so you should give your compliments to her."

He looked at Angela. "I know, I'm amazing. No need to thank me big brother." She paused. "I'll be right back," she said before disappearing across the room.

"I think we're gonna have to dance so I can get a good feel of the clothes and what's under them."

I leaned close to his ear and whispered, "We don't have to dance for you to feel what's under my clothes."

His eyes grew darker with desire, but he pulled me to the center of the room to dance. He looped his fingers in my belt loops and yanked my hips against his. I smiled and started grinding against him. He closed his eyes and licked his lips. Yup, I definitely had more influence over him than the rest of Angela's friends.

I leaned up and ran my tongue over the hollow of his throat, sucking in when I reached the end. He gasped and I smiled against his skin. "You're such a tease," he said laughing. I could feel the rumbles from it against my lips.

"How can I be a tease when I always give you what you want?" I whispered in his ear, tugging at his earlobe with my teeth. He let out a soft moan. I ground against him again, causing him to emit another groan, this one louder than the last.

"C'mon," he said, taking my hand and pulling me towards the stairs.

"No," I said stopping him. He looked confused. "Not there."

Holding his hand, I led him through the crowd and out the door, pulling him into an alley next to the house. He looked even more confused than before. Apparently he'd never done this before. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. I pressed my hips hard against his, entangling my fingers in his hair. He finally caught on and pushed me up against the side of the building. I was breathing heavily as his lips moved to my neck and his hands maneuvered themselves into my shorts. I arched my back and ground my hips against him, causing a groan from both of us. This would've been so much easier in a skirt. What was Angela thinking? She knew I hooked up with Tim at all of these things. Maybe that's what she was trying to prevent. No matter, it'd just be a little more difficult.

I felt his hand move between us and onto my button. He slipped his hand in and gasped. "No underwear?" he said smirking.

"Just for you."

That must've been the right thing to say because, the next thing I knew, both our pants were down and he was inside me. I bucked my hips along with his and it brought us both closer to the edge. He started thrusting harder and faster into me and I could practically feel the scrapes and bruises forming on my back. I wasn't complaining, because believe me, it felt great, but I'd be sore in the morning. As we both started to reach our climax, I started nipping and tugging on his earlobe, trying to get him to climax first. As a counterattack, he brushed his thumb over my nipple and that about did it for me. I went over the edge, loudly moaning his name. He climaxed short after.

We stayed still, trying to control our breathing. He slowly pulled out of me and set me back on my feet. He pulled his jeans up and refastened them. He bent down and slowly pulled my shorts up my legs and over my hips, buttoning them when they were in place. He pulled me to him and kissed my forehead before moving his lips to mine.

"That was different," he said.

"Aw, you're so adorable when you're sexually clueless."

"Well not all of us make the rounds like you do," he teased.

"Yeah, but you're not far behind."

"Fine, but you're the more experienced one."

I just stuck my tongue out at him and he smirked. "C'mon," he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders and leading us back inside.

"Where were you two?" Angel asked when we made it back to the gang.

"Oh, just getting some fresh air," I said.

"Yeah right," she said, rolling her eyes. "Let's dance."

We danced for what seemed like hours. At first, it was just the two of us, but Soda and Two-Bit joined us for awhile. They were fun. Two-Bit was just so crazy to dance with. I even got Darry out on the dance floor. He was amusing. He was so stiff, but he finally loosened up. Even Tim came out to dance with us for a few songs. After a while though, they tired out and ditched us, leaving just us girls on the dance floor again. The occasional guy came up and joined us for a few songs, but when we tended to ignore them, they went away.

"Trevor!" I called when I saw the familiar shaggy-haired boy in the crowd. He smiled and made his way over to us.

"Hey Alex. How's it goin'?"

"Great. Much better now that you're here." Ang scoffed and rolled her eyes. I ignored her. "Dance with us."

We started dancing on one another and I didn't even realize that Angela had left us. We stopped dancing and he pulled me against him. He pressed his lips against mine and I returned it. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, happy to oblige.

Next thing I knew, I was kissing air.

I opened my eyes to see Dallas with his back to me, pointing threateningly at Trevor. "You stay the hell away from her, Richards!" Dal said.

"And why would I do that?" Trevor asked defiantly.

"Because if you come near her again, I'll kick your ass."

"You think I'm scared of you? Because believe me, I'm not. You wanna fight, let's do it."

That was when Darry and Two-Bit stepped in. "I think it'd be best if you just left," Darry said. "We don't want any trouble."

"Fine, you guys don't want me around, I'm out," Trevor said angrily and left.

My expression went from shocked to pissed off in seconds flat. "What the hell was that?!" I yelled at Dallas. I easily forgave Darry and Two-Bit. They were only trying to prevent the fight.

"Lex, you don't understand."

"You bet I don't. What are you, jealous? Wait no! Dallas Winston doesn't get jealous! You're just pissed off because you're the only one not getting any from me! Sorry Dal, you're just not on my list to fuck!"

"Lex, you don't get it. Roberts isn't a great guy."

"So what?!" I yelled, cutting him off. "Neither are the rest of you hoods!"

"He's dangerous!" Dallas said, finally yelling back.

"So are you! So is Tim! I'm with a new potentially dangerous hood every night! What's one more? Why not Trevor?"

"Because _Trevor_ belongs in a fuckin' jail cell!" That shut me up for the moment. "Lex, you should see what he does to girls. It's not pretty," he said, his voice much softer.

"You're lying."

"No, Alex, I'm not. There are so many girls…they said no."

"You're lying!" I didn't want to believe him. I'd never been in that kind of danger before and I didn't want to start now.

"You don't believe me?" he asked, getting angry again.

"Damn right I don't believe you! Jesus Dal. I knew you were mad that I wasn't paying much attention to you, but making up something like that about someone I liked is low even for you!" His eyes were growing darker with fury and I didn't want to stay around to experience it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home. I think I've had enough partying for one night. Don't follow me." I turned to Angel. "You comin'?" She nodded and we headed out.

I was fuming all the way home. Angela didn't dare say anything to me. She'd never seen me this mad before, even when I was getting fed up with the guys at the Dingo. I think she was a little scared.

We reached my house and quietly went inside. My dad was most likely sleeping and I didn't want to wake him. After getting ready for bed and climbing in under the covers, she finally spoke. "He was only tryin' to protect you."

I sighed. "I know, but I don't need protectin'. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but this might've been something you couldn't save yourself from."

"Can we just not talk about it anymore?" I was getting sick of it already. I didn't want to think about tonight, or about Dallas, or about Trevor. I just wanted none of it to have happened.

"So where did you and Tim disappear to?" she asked after a moment.

"You already know."

"No, I know what you two were doin', which, by the way, is revolting. But I don't know where. I didn't see you guys go upstairs."

"First off, he's anything but revolting. When it comes to sex, your brother is pretty damn amazing." I looked over at her and her appalled expression was priceless. I laughed. "Second, I took him to the alley."

"You didn't."

"I did. I was gettin' bored with the bed. Tim now is a little more experienced and has a few more tricks up his sleeve."

"Eww."

I laughed again. "And is that why I had shorts on tonight? To keep me from hooking up with ole Timmy? Because if that was your plan, it definitely didn't work," I said grinning.

"I didn't necessarily wanna stop you. I just wanted to make sure you kept your options open. Specifically a blond, blue-eyed greaser Darry hangs around with."

I sighed. "I thought we weren't gonna talk about him anymore."

"Sorry. Just explainin' my reasoning."

I turned on my side, facing the wall. "Go to bed Ang."

"Alright. G'night Alex. We'll talk more tomorrow."

"'Night," I said. I had no intention of talking more about this topic tomorrow. She would just have to get it through her head that this discussion had come to a close, never to be opened up again. I just wanted to forget about tonight, and about the things Dallas said about Trevor, and the way Dallas looked so, so hot in those tight jeans of his….

Oh god, I did not just think that.

That could never cross my mind again.

Why would I even think that? I couldn't even tolerate the man. Blech, I was absolutely disgusted with myself.

No more. I swore those thoughts would never cross my mind again.

**Alright, so is it just me, or does this story seem to have a lot of sex? Especially that that doesn't include Dallas? I'm almost considering changing this story to M because of all of it. What do you people think? **

**And I never even considered before this chapter turning Trevor into a bad guy. Oh well, I needed something for Dallas and Alex to fight over. **

**I have no idea when I'll update next, so please be patient and bear with me. I'm trying. But until then, I hope you enjoyed this. Let me know what y'all think. **

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey. Sorry it's taken me so long. I was only inspired last weekend. It's awful that it's taken me this long to write. But keep in mind that this doesn't mean I'll be updating regularly, although I do have ideas in mind for the next chapter. R&R please. =]**

_April 26, 1969_

I haven't left my room for about a week. I can't. I can't stand to see and deal with anything that reminds me of Dallas. I really can't. I thought going through his things would make the situation easier, that it would give me some kind of closure. But no, now I feel worse than ever. My pain has increased exponentially. I've barely eaten or seen the light of day. I just stay in my dark room in bed, alternating between sleeping and crying. I've only left the room to go to the bathroom. My dad's been standing outside my bedroom door, trying to coax me out with messages and missed phone calls of the gang. It's not working.

I can't blame him for trying though. If I was him, I'd be trying everything in my power to get me to come out. He's even tried threatening to call my mom, which he knows I don't want. I understand; he's growing desperate. I'm sure they all are.

I'm growing tired of my room, too. I want to leave, but I don't know if I can handle it. I'm worried that I'll see something that will remind me of him and I'll break down. Although, I am locked up in a room full of his things and I am constantly crying. Maybe being outside will only help me.

I grab some hopefully clean clothes (shorts and a t-shirt) and cautiously open my door. I'm avoiding my dad. I don't think I could handle him right now. I make my way to the bathroom to shower. I'm desperately I need of one.

Once I'm done showering and dressing, I go to the kitchen for some food. I'm not really hungry, but I know I should eat something. I find my dad sitting at the table reading the newspaper. I silently beg him to act like everything's normal.

"Good morning," he says. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," I lie. "You?"

"Same. Got any plans for the day?"

Thank you, god. "No. Just thought I'd wing it. See where things take me." He just nods.

I grab a bowl of cereal and sit across from him. "You working today?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm going in later this afternoon."

"Oh." I pick up the part of the paper he's done with. Before I can even read a headline, I gasp and drop my spoon. My hand covers my throbbing chest and it's hard to breathe.

My dad looks at me concerned and then looks at the front page of the paper. His worry worsens. He moves to come to me, but I shake my head. I need space.

Why would they still be running that story? It's over. He's dead. Why do they feel the need to remind me of what I can't have? It's bad enough I can't even close my eyes without seeing him. Why does his face have to grace the front page of the newspaper?

My chest is still pounding. It's a sharp pain. I can't sit here anymore. I need to get out of here.

I stand up, knocking my chair over in the process, and sprint out of there. My dad's calling after me, but I don't look back. I just need to keep going. I can't stop. I don't even know where I'm running to. I just know I can't stop until I get there.

I must be running for a good twenty minutes by the time I stop. I finally realize where I'm going. Home. To Dallas.

I enter the cemetery gates and walk to where Dallas lies. There's no gravestone, only a small plaque with his name and the dates of his birth and death. I see it and fall to my knees. The tears begin to fall.

"Hey baby," I say to the dirt beneath me. Grass hasn't had time to grow. "I miss you." I place my hand down where I imagine his to be. "Everyone misses you. Especially Darry. You know how close the three of us are." I pause. "Of course I haven't been a very good friend to him lately. I've been ignoring his calls and visits. I'm sure he's worried about me, but I'm too caught up in missing you to care. He's hurting too and I can't even be there for him like I should." I stop and wipe my tears with the back of my hand.

"Your things are finally moved into my room. It only took us about two months to do it," I laugh through my tears. "There's not room to put anything. The floor is barely visible. We both have way too much junk.

"I sleep with your jacket at night. I've also taken to placing your t-shirts on my pillow. It's comforting. Your scent helps me believe you're still with me. I've started wearing your St. Christopher medal. I know you'd hate it, but I would've stolen it from you one of these days. That's what married couples do. Take one another's belongings." The tears begin to fall harder. I take a moment in an attempt to compose myself.

"The paper's still talking about you, Johnny, and Pony. Y'all are still heroes. Apparently hit's hard to believe that three greasers could do something brave and worthy of praise. Man, that stuff happens 'round here all the time. We stick up for our own. It shouldn't be this hard for people to believe. We're the same as everyone else, only poorer.

"You and Johnny sure left Pony in a mess. The state's considering taking Pony and Soda away from Darry. All because Pony and Johnny defended themselves. They have to go to court sometime this week, I think. I don't know exact details though. I haven't been around them much since you left. I'll let you know what happens." I laugh. "Maybe you'll know before me. Maybe you can work some magic to make sure they stay together."

I need to take a deep breath to continue. My sobs are getting caught in my throat knowing what I'm about to say.

"I got rid of the baby," I say through my tears. "Darry took me. I couldn't do it without you. You needed to be here. Our baby needed a father. It would've lost its mother too. I know I wouldn't have been able to look at it without seeing you. It would've had your blond hair and blue eyes and I would've hated it for that. I'd resent it 'cause I wouldn't have you.

"I'm sorry!" I sob. "I shouldn't have done it. I killed all that I had left of you. I killed our child because the cops killed you. I couldn't have our family if it wasn't whole. I hope he's with you. At least then I'll know you're both being taken care of. I won't have to worry about you. And I'll join both of you when I can. We can be on happy family, unlike we weren't able to do here."

I pound the ground with my fists and press my forehead to the dirt. "I miss you so much! It's so hard living without you here! It hurts to breathe. And I can't even think about you without breaking down in tears. There's always a constant pain in my chest. And it's all because of you! Why did you have to do it? We would've gotten through Johnny's death together! You left me and you left our baby! You left Darry and Two-Bit and Tim and the rest of the gang! You ruined everything and I hate you for that! I thought everything was perfect. After everything that happened with my family and old friends, you made everything better! I got through it all because of you! I was finally getting my happily ever after."

I sob for a few minutes before collapsing fully into the dirt. "I love you," I whisper.

I don't know how long I remain there, but I know I'm there long after the tears stop coming. I just feel numb. I'm all cried out. I just want to lay here with Dallas forever. But that can't happen.

"Alex," I hear as someone places their hand on my back. I look up; it's Sarah. "How long have you been here?" she asks, pulling me into a sitting position. She wipes the dirt from my face as I shrug.

"You dad called Jimmy in a panic. He had no clue where you were. He said you'd ran out a few hours ago after seeing the paper. He called Darry and Two-Bit and Steve and even Tim and no one had seen you. You dad decided to call the police. I told them to let me handle it. I knew where you were."

I just stared at her. "Come on. Let's get you clean and warmed up." I press a kiss to my fingers and press them to the ground. _I love you_. I allow her to lead me to the car she'd parked in front of the gate.

Instead of driving me home, she pulls into her driveway. We enter to see a shocked Jimmy staring at us. Guess he didn't believe she'd find me.

"Honey, call George and let him know Alex will be spending the night wit us. Then take the kids somewhere and give us some girl time."

"S-sure." He sure is surprised. I almost want to laugh.

Sarah leads me to their bedroom and hands me some of her clothes to change into. Then we lay in bed with her holding me in her arms. "I know what you're going through," she whispers, kissing the top of my head.

"Really?" I ask looking up at her.

She nods. "I was about the same age as you. His name was Ethan. He was a year older than me. We met at the lake during the summer. I was with a few of my friends, soaking up the sun, when he came over to me, dripping wet, and said he was taking me out on our first of many dates and that one day he was going to ask me to marry him and I'd say yes."

"What'd you do?"

"Well, I thought he was insane, but he was good-looking so I met up with him that night at the carnival. We actually had a lot of fun. He was different that I thought he would be and we ended up having a lot in common. He walked me home at the end of the night, asked me out again, and kissed my cheek.

"He was right. That was the first of many dates. We went out almost every day that summer and we continued seeing one another once school started. He'd pick me up after school and walk me home. My parents didn't approve of him. He was a Greaser. We weren't rich, but we had more money than him, so they looked down upon him. But I didn't care; I loved him.

"Jimmy wasn't the first person I ever considered marrying. When Ethan proposed, I said yes. He knew it was going to happen. While we were ecstatic, my parents were furious. But they didn't say I couldn't marry him. They didn't want to lose me so they kept their comments to themselves.

"We planned my dream wedding. We were to get married in the same church were my parents married. My mom made my dress and veil. Our reception was going to be in my parents' backyard.

"We already had plans for afterwards too. We had found a house that we could afford that wasn't far from my parents. He had found a job, while not the best, we could live on it. We couldn't wait to have children."

"So what happened? Everything sounds perfect."

"It was. But it all changed a few weeks before the wedding. Ethan was walking home from work one day when he was jumped. He was stabbed multiple times. The cops told me it was a mugging. Lord knows why they chose him. He had nothing on him except the clothes he was wearing that day. He made it to the hospital and lasted for a few days in a coma. The doctors told me he wouldn't wake up. And even if he did, he'd be unable to live off of the machines he was hooked up to. Ethan wouldn't want to live like that, so I had to pull the plug. It's what he would've wanted."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"So am I, but if I hadn't known what Ethan wanted, I'd still be clinging to him, and I never would've met Jimmy and been blessed with two beautiful children. Now don't get me wrong, I still love Ethan with all my heart, but if I hadn't moved on, my pain would've killed me."

"It's so hard."

"I know, sweetie. I know."

"How'd you do it?"

"First, I went through his things and separated them into two piles: things I didn't need and things I couldn't live without. I placed the second pile in my closet and gave the rest to charity."

"I could never get rid of Dal's things."

"Then you pack everything up and put it in your closet. That way it's out of sight, but it's there if you ever need it. After I put his belongings away, I started to readapt myself. You can do this by starting to talk to your dad, and Darry, and the rest of the boys again. I'm sure they miss you like crazy. Once you do that, start going out to places. Start off small, like the DX or the Dingo. Nothing too overwhelming. None of those wild parties at Buck Merrill's." She winks and I grin sheepishly. Before I got pregnant, Dal and I were always hanging around Buck's.

"You'll start to see that things will improve. And that pain in your chest will lessen, although it might not completely go away. Someday you'll move on enough to open your heart up to someone else. And, even though he won't be Dallas, he'll be close."

We both grow silent and remain in bed. I lay my head back down on her chest and she pats my head soothingly.

I'll never love anyone as much as I love you, I tell Dally. But I know you wouldn't want me to live like this, with me always miserable and my heart in pieces. It won't be anytime soon, but at least I know I'll have to option to move on. It will be hard, but maybe with a little help from you, I can try. Watch over me and the gang.

I'll love you always…


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry that it has taken me two years to update. This has been floating around on my hard drive for a while, and I only decided to finish it tonight. I don't know when I'll update next. Hopefully a lot sooner than last time. **

**Disclaimer: I only own Alex.**

_July 29, 1966_

Another long day at the Dingo. I didn't even have Soda and Steve at this job to keep me company. The Dingo meant days filled with waitressing and bussing tables, dealing with bitchy girls, and bypassing the blatant comments at my body and what it'd be good for. Needless to say, I'd take the DX over this any day.

I was already having a bad day by noon time, and it only served to get worse. I woke up late for one, making me need to rush to find my work clothes, shower, and finish getting ready. Then I practically had to run over to the Dingo in order not to be late, bumping into Dallas along the way; he ignored me. I was late to work by minutes, causing my boss to give me a ten-minute lecture when I could have been waiting tables. I tripped and dumped coffee down the front of my shirt. I messed up someone's order. Clearly I was not meant to work today.

My mind's too occupied to even concentrate on keeping me on my two feet, never mind carrying trays of food.

My day worsened when someone I really didn't want to see walked in. And sat at one of my tables. I had no choice but to talk to him.

"Hi. I'm Bridget. I'll be your waitress this afternoon. What can I get for you?" I said, hoping he wouldn't acknowledge me.

"Bridget, baby. I'm just seeing you everywhere."

"Hey Trevor. The places of employment really are limited in Tulsa, so…here I am."

"Yes, here you are." He looked me up and down, causing me to have to repress a shiver. As much as I didn't want to believe Dallas, his words stuck with me. I definitely didn't feel safe around Trevor now.

"Yeah, so I'm working. I can't really stick around and chat, so…"

"Right, um, I'll have a Coke, cheeseburger, and fries."

"I'll be right back with your order."

I walked back to the kitchen to give the cook his order, and then I went to the hallway leading to the bathrooms, leaning my head on the wall. Crap. What was I supposed to do about this now? Hopefully he won't stay after he eats. Maybe he'll scoff down the food and get the hell out of my sight. Then I wouldn't have to deal with him.

Yeah right. I could only hope.

I walked back to the kitchen area to get his order once I thought I'd been in the hallway long enough. I paused at the door, taking a deep breath, before bringing his food out to him.

"Here you go. Let me know if you need anything."

I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist; I stiffened. "Why don't you take your break and join me?"

For once I was glad that I couldn't. "Sorry, Trevor. I already took my break."

"Hours ago probably. I'm sure your boss won't mind if you sit down with me for five minutes."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure he would. I'm already in trouble with him for being late this morning."

"So, what's a few more minutes gonna do?"

I untangled his fingers from my wrist and pulled away. "Sorry, I really have to work."

I walked back towards the kitchen, making sure I was completely out of his sight before I stopped. Damn Dallas. If he hadn't said anything about Trevor, I wouldn't be itching to get out of the Dingo this quickly. Well, I never like working at the Dingo, but Trevor's presence wasn't helping the matter.

As the day passed by, I noticed that he didn't leave. He just remained at the table all day. Which meant I had to keep waiting on him. Mostly bringing him coffee, since that was what he'd been ordering since he finished his food.

I had closing tonight, which meant I wanted him long gone before that time came. I did not want to be alone with him. I needed some way to get rid of him as soon as possible. Hours ago would've been preferable.

I walked back over to his table to try and get him to leave. "Hey babe," he said, looking me up and down.

"We're gonna be closing soon, so it'd probably be good if you left."

"I'll just wait for you to be done, and I'll walk you home. How's that sound?"

Not good. Like I wanted him to know where I lived. "Sorry, Trevor. It's going to take a while. I'll be here long after closing."

"I can wait. It's not an issue."

"Okay." I turned and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, readying myself to walk away. He grabbed my wrist for the second time that day.

"You're not scared of me, are you?"

"Scared of you? Why would I be scared of you?"

"Because of everything that Winston said at Buck's party."

"Why would I believe that? I don't like Dallas. I'm certainly not going to listen to anything he says."

"That's good. Winston likes to lie a lot."

"I know."

I pulled my hand away and headed to the back and leaned against the counter. So, I was stuck with him. Now to find a way to not be alone with him. There was only one way I could think of, and I didn't like it at all.

I picked up the phone receiver and dialed the all-too-familiar number. _'Hello?'_

"Hey Soda. It's Alex."

'_Alex, bay-by. What can I do for you?'_

"I was wondering if Dallas was there."

'_You're callin' for Dallas? Are you feelin' okay? Is the world comin' to an end?'_

"Ha. Ha. Hilarious. I'm serious though. I do need to speak to Dal."

'_Yeah, he's here. Hold on.'_

I heard the receiver being placed on the table where the phone rested and then, "Dal! Phone!"

"Who is it?"

"I don't know. Some girl."

There was movement on the other end before I heard, _'Hello?'_

"Hey Dal. It's Alex."

'_Oh. What do ya want? I'm kinda busy.'_

"Well, I was kinda wondering if you could do me a favor."

'_It depends. What're you gonna do for me?'_

"Anything you want, as long as you help me."

'_Alright, I'm liking this. What do you want me to do?'_

"Well, you see, I'm currently at work at the Dingo, and there's a customer here that's refusing to leave."

'_So, tell your boss to get rid of him.'_

"I would, but the customer's Trevor. And he said he wants to walk me home. I don't want that."

'_So, what do you want me to do? I've already tried helpin' ya with him. You didn't wanna listen.'_

"Well, I did listen. And as much as I dislike you, I dislike him even more. I don't want to be alone with him. I heard what you said, okay? I haven't been near him since. Please come down here and help me."

'_Why should I do that? I should just let you figure it out on your own. It's your problem now.'_

"Dal, please. I'm begging you. I'm scared, and everyone is gonna be leaving soon, and then it's just gonna be me and him. That can't happen." There was silence on the other end. "Please, Dal. You know I wouldn't ask you for something unless it was important."

He sighed. '_I'll be there in ten.'_

"Thank you."

There was no response, only the receiver being hung up. I sighed in relief as I hung up my own phone. Work was going to be a bit more tolerable with a buffer between me and Trevor.

I went back to waiting on my other tables, trying to avoid Trevor's at all costs until Dallas arrived.

When all my other customers had left and Trevor was the only one remaining, I began to wonder where Dallas was. I tried to stay in the kitchen as long as possible so I wouldn't have to face Trevor alone. Only when I heard the bell over the door ring did I go back to the dining area.

There he was, in tight jeans and a brown leather jacket, staring down the lone person—other than me—in the restaurant. "Roberts," he said coolly towards Trevor.

"Winston," Trevor answered with equal coldness, the two of them locked in a stare down. "What're you doin' here?"

"Came to walk Alex home."

"I think I have that covered. You can go now."

"I don't think I can. Usually one of the other boys takes care of it, but since they're all busy, she became my problem. She may be a pain in the ass, but I ain't gonna let her walk home by herself. The gang would have my head."

"She wouldn't be by herself; I'd be with her. No need to worry."

"I think we both know that there should be worry when it comes to you."

When Trevor began glaring at Dallas, I figured I should make myself known before a fight broke out in the diner. There's no way I could explain that to my boss. "Hey Dal. Just give me five minutes and I'll be ready to go. I think Dal has it covered, Trevor. You can go. I'll see you later." He mumbled something angrily under his breath, but walked out the door, Dallas not taking his eyes off of him until he was out of sight. Then he turned to me.

"You ready yet? I got things to do." I nodded and followed him out the door, locking it behind me.

We walked home in silence, with him a few steps ahead of me. Apparently walking by my side was too much to ask for. When we reached my house, we stopped; I turned to him while he continued to look down the street.

"Thanks Dal," I said quietly.

"Yeah, next time call someone else," he responds without even glancing at me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly; it didn't faze him the least bit. Once he heard my footsteps on my stairs, he took off down the road. Friggen Dallas Winston.


End file.
